Potential
For the last two years, I've been working at something I would never have guessed I'd do. Writing books. It was something I wanted when I was young, but compared my own writing as a ten-year-old to published writers and found myself lacking, so I pushed the dream aside.
I've gone to school for many things as an adult: I got halfway through a bachelor's in biology, halfway through vet tech school, and earned certificates in Medical Reception and Medical Billing - the only programs I've ever completed.
The problem is that I can't handle regular employment, emotionally. The stress makes all my symptoms act up and I start to break down. When I graduated with my certificates in 2015, I immediately got a job working at a doctor's office as a receptionist.
I liked my job and I liked my coworkers. Dealing with patients was wonderful. But the stress just killed me. I wound up making the choice to leave following a rather unhappy 90-day review where management said I was good at my job, but the office was too stressful for me and they thought I would do better in a less stressful office. My husband and I discussed the review over a weekend and the next Monday was my last day. I haven't worked since then.
Without working, my mental health has improved significantly, especially with the treatments I've been getting in therapy and new medication changes.
About a month after leaving my job, I had a very odd dream that I pondered for two weeks. Then I sat down at my computer and started to write. That dream blossomed into four books in a fantasy series that I wrote in under six months. I'm having to rewrite them for more reasons than I want to detail at the moment, but the experience was exhilarating. I loved every moment of writing those books.
I have since completed four other manuscripts, have three currently in progress, and am working on rewriting the first fantasy book. With the exception of the fantasy series, I write mainstream women's fiction. They're romantic stories, but not romance novels.
I have several common themes in all my books: mental illness, LGBTQ+ characters, characters who've suffered abuse, and all my romantic relationships are strong ones. My stories don't revolve around will-they-won't-they, which disqualifies them as romance novels, but rather a strong relationship that undergoes conflict from an outside source and the couple leans on each other for strength and support as they weather the storm.
So many books portray abusive and controlling behaviors as romantic and sweet. It sets people up for entering abusive relationships and thinking they're normal, which is a horrible precedent to set. I hope to be different in that I give examples of what people should want and should be able to have. It's what I've found in my husband and I think everyone deserves to have a spouse or partner like that.
In writing, I feel like I'm harnessing my bipolar disorder and making it work for me. Part of being bipolar is intense creativity. When I'm manic, I write like crazy, driven to create in a way I seldom am otherwise. I sleep little and obsess over my writing projects, to the point that I do little else. I come up with most of my ideas during manic episodes, then play catch up and write the actual book when I'm stable.
This is the only thing I've worked hard at and actually been able to stick with. I've done so happily. If I could make a living at doing this, I would be ecstatic, even if I never make it big. The process of creating is a joy and it gives me something to occupy my time other than reading, knitting, crocheting, and watching movies. Those things get very boring after a while.
I feel like I'm reaching my potential, and using the parts of me that are painful and broken to do it.
I've gone to school for many things as an adult: I got halfway through a bachelor's in biology, halfway through vet tech school, and earned certificates in Medical Reception and Medical Billing - the only programs I've ever completed.
The problem is that I can't handle regular employment, emotionally. The stress makes all my symptoms act up and I start to break down. When I graduated with my certificates in 2015, I immediately got a job working at a doctor's office as a receptionist.
I liked my job and I liked my coworkers. Dealing with patients was wonderful. But the stress just killed me. I wound up making the choice to leave following a rather unhappy 90-day review where management said I was good at my job, but the office was too stressful for me and they thought I would do better in a less stressful office. My husband and I discussed the review over a weekend and the next Monday was my last day. I haven't worked since then.
Without working, my mental health has improved significantly, especially with the treatments I've been getting in therapy and new medication changes.
About a month after leaving my job, I had a very odd dream that I pondered for two weeks. Then I sat down at my computer and started to write. That dream blossomed into four books in a fantasy series that I wrote in under six months. I'm having to rewrite them for more reasons than I want to detail at the moment, but the experience was exhilarating. I loved every moment of writing those books.
I have since completed four other manuscripts, have three currently in progress, and am working on rewriting the first fantasy book. With the exception of the fantasy series, I write mainstream women's fiction. They're romantic stories, but not romance novels.
I have several common themes in all my books: mental illness, LGBTQ+ characters, characters who've suffered abuse, and all my romantic relationships are strong ones. My stories don't revolve around will-they-won't-they, which disqualifies them as romance novels, but rather a strong relationship that undergoes conflict from an outside source and the couple leans on each other for strength and support as they weather the storm.
So many books portray abusive and controlling behaviors as romantic and sweet. It sets people up for entering abusive relationships and thinking they're normal, which is a horrible precedent to set. I hope to be different in that I give examples of what people should want and should be able to have. It's what I've found in my husband and I think everyone deserves to have a spouse or partner like that.
In writing, I feel like I'm harnessing my bipolar disorder and making it work for me. Part of being bipolar is intense creativity. When I'm manic, I write like crazy, driven to create in a way I seldom am otherwise. I sleep little and obsess over my writing projects, to the point that I do little else. I come up with most of my ideas during manic episodes, then play catch up and write the actual book when I'm stable.
This is the only thing I've worked hard at and actually been able to stick with. I've done so happily. If I could make a living at doing this, I would be ecstatic, even if I never make it big. The process of creating is a joy and it gives me something to occupy my time other than reading, knitting, crocheting, and watching movies. Those things get very boring after a while.
I feel like I'm reaching my potential, and using the parts of me that are painful and broken to do it.
Photo Credit: "Typewriter" by koratmember
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