Another Step Forward
I have been terrified for years to speak to anyone on my father's side of the family because I didn't want to tell them what happened to me. I didn't want a rift in the family, and especially did not want my father's sister to find out.
My father and his sisters were severely abused by their stepfather, and his older sister was sexually abused by several men over the course of her life. It has hurt my heart to think of what she would feel if she found out what her own brother had done.
But this week I took an enormous step in my recovery: I told my father's parents about what he had done.
My grandmother was shocked, as you would expect. She was initially trying to defend him, but as I explained the extent of what happened, it became impossible. He was drinking a lot and she hoped it was due to the alcohol, but as I explained that he had started grooming me at about 11 years old and the things he had done, her hopes of some redemption in her own eyes vanished.
She acknowledged what I was telling her, and did not try to tell me it didn't happen. She was initially trying to make it a drunken mistake on his part, but it's simply not the case. He sexually abused me on a nightly basis for nearly a year. That cannot be simply drunkenness.
She was not angry, but was clearly upset. She gave me an outside perspective of what was happening in my father's mind during that time, which doesn't ease anything, but is good to know. The more I can understand, the better it is for my healing.
This was one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had, but one that was completely necessary if I were to maintain a relationship with my grandparents. They're wonderful people, and I want them in my life.
It seems to me that the most painful things have to be released in order to live a happy life.
My father and his sisters were severely abused by their stepfather, and his older sister was sexually abused by several men over the course of her life. It has hurt my heart to think of what she would feel if she found out what her own brother had done.
But this week I took an enormous step in my recovery: I told my father's parents about what he had done.
My grandmother was shocked, as you would expect. She was initially trying to defend him, but as I explained the extent of what happened, it became impossible. He was drinking a lot and she hoped it was due to the alcohol, but as I explained that he had started grooming me at about 11 years old and the things he had done, her hopes of some redemption in her own eyes vanished.
She acknowledged what I was telling her, and did not try to tell me it didn't happen. She was initially trying to make it a drunken mistake on his part, but it's simply not the case. He sexually abused me on a nightly basis for nearly a year. That cannot be simply drunkenness.
She was not angry, but was clearly upset. She gave me an outside perspective of what was happening in my father's mind during that time, which doesn't ease anything, but is good to know. The more I can understand, the better it is for my healing.
This was one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had, but one that was completely necessary if I were to maintain a relationship with my grandparents. They're wonderful people, and I want them in my life.
It seems to me that the most painful things have to be released in order to live a happy life.
Comments
Post a Comment