Discovering Creativity
A major change in my life in 2016 is the beginning of what I hope may be a career for me. Right now it's solely for my own pleasure, but I hope one day it will bring others enjoyment as well.
I started writing novels in January. I have written first drafts of four novels in a fantasy series and a partially complete novel about people with significant mental illnesses. It was a few months into my writing that I finally decided to leave the Mormon church.and it has made the continuation of my work easier. It will be a long time before they're even close to ready to see a publisher, but I hope they will be someday.
All of them are heavily populated with characters that fall under the LGBTQA spectrum. When I write, the characters are who they are and I can't change them. If a character is gay or transgender, it's who they area and to try to change that would stunt the character's development, and if the character is central to the plot it would stunt the story.
Part of this that's hurtful for me is that my Mormon family wouldn't be able to read my work without needing to repent. I can't share what I'm working on with them because it's all very inappropriate according to their faith. I've put a lot of hard work into what I'm doing and to know my family would not be able to read it is very painful. In addition, they would be disappointed that I couldn't find a way to write something more appropriate. No matter my success, whether it never gets to a publisher or hits big, they will be disappointed because it isn't appropriate according to church standards.
Despite this knowledge, my writing has given me a lot of enjoyment and fulfillment. Having something constructive to do has provided me with a lot of peace and a feeling of purpose. I feel as though I'm harnessing the gifts being bipolar provides, and one of the most common is intense creativity. The knowledge that something that has made me so miserable could be the source of what has been providing me with a lot of joy allows me to believe that mental illness isn't necessarily the curse it has always seemed to be.
I have hope that my illness will not always fill my life with misery and suffering, and while I still struggle, there is reason to believe that in the future good may come of it.
I started writing novels in January. I have written first drafts of four novels in a fantasy series and a partially complete novel about people with significant mental illnesses. It was a few months into my writing that I finally decided to leave the Mormon church.and it has made the continuation of my work easier. It will be a long time before they're even close to ready to see a publisher, but I hope they will be someday.
All of them are heavily populated with characters that fall under the LGBTQA spectrum. When I write, the characters are who they are and I can't change them. If a character is gay or transgender, it's who they area and to try to change that would stunt the character's development, and if the character is central to the plot it would stunt the story.
Part of this that's hurtful for me is that my Mormon family wouldn't be able to read my work without needing to repent. I can't share what I'm working on with them because it's all very inappropriate according to their faith. I've put a lot of hard work into what I'm doing and to know my family would not be able to read it is very painful. In addition, they would be disappointed that I couldn't find a way to write something more appropriate. No matter my success, whether it never gets to a publisher or hits big, they will be disappointed because it isn't appropriate according to church standards.
Despite this knowledge, my writing has given me a lot of enjoyment and fulfillment. Having something constructive to do has provided me with a lot of peace and a feeling of purpose. I feel as though I'm harnessing the gifts being bipolar provides, and one of the most common is intense creativity. The knowledge that something that has made me so miserable could be the source of what has been providing me with a lot of joy allows me to believe that mental illness isn't necessarily the curse it has always seemed to be.
I have hope that my illness will not always fill my life with misery and suffering, and while I still struggle, there is reason to believe that in the future good may come of it.
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