The Self-Imposed Cage of Opinions
As part of my rediscovery of what I have loved and been missing for the last seven years, I realized that the issue of censoring what I do and don't enjoy goes far deeper than choices I made due to church standards.
I cannot ever remember not judging my choices against what other people would think. I do make my own choices and decisions, but my own opinion often isn't the largest consideration. Some of the ingrained generalizations of types of books and movies now seem very ridiculous and I'm not sure where they came from, though I would imagine many of them came from my father.
One such generalization is that romantic books and movies are for women who lead loveless, lonely lives. That's a bunch of bull. A lot of people love stories about falling in love and romantic relationships. Most movies and books have some sort of romantic element to them, no matter how minor, and to say that liking that element of a story is only for people who lead loveless, lonely lives is outrageously ridiculous.
Another generalization is that comedies are often very stupid in nature and for something I like to be judged to be stupid tends to translate in my head to be a question of my intelligence. That whole logic circle is idiotic. A comedy that may have no value other than to make someone laugh does have value. There is a reason for the saying "laughter is the best medicine" and people who can make us laugh make a whole lot of money doing it. For whatever reason, the only comedies I have been comfortable enjoying are animated. When I think about it, the whole thing makes absolutely no sense.
Thinking a celebrity was attractive often got me painful teasing and ridicule from my father, and thus finding a celebrity attractive and enjoying a movie or show simply because the star was really hot is very embarrassing for me. The more attractive I find the person, the more embarrassed I get and may eventually avoid movies or TV shows because that person is in them, especially since I got married.
This all came crashing down a week or so ago, and I can't help but be angry that I sat in this cage for so long. It was built up around me, but I always had the key to unlock it. Instead of unlocking the door and leaving, I made the lock and bars bigger and stronger even though it was the same key. I stayed willingly and berated myself for liking the things I like. None of it is bad or unhealthy, and to deny myself things I'd like because of what someone else thinks is incredibly stupid.
I was always encouraged more toward action, adventure, fantasy, sci-fi, mystery, and non-fiction books and movies by my father, who was the one who berated me for liking things that he didn't like. Anything sentimental or romantic at it's core was condemned and I would be ridiculed for liking it. Well, I like romantic books and movies in addition to the action, adventure, and fantasy.
I used to love Nicholas Sparks and stopped reading his work when I joined the church because the books sometimes have love scenes that often occur outside marriage. When I decided not to go to church anymore I read a few of his books for the first time in years. I read True Believer and The Lucky One, both of which I'll review soon. The latter book was made into a movie that I was embarrassed to watch because it has Zac Efron in it, then I was even more embarrassed when I watched it and discovered that he's turned into quite the hottie. I really enjoyed the movie, and the whole thing turned very embarrassing for absolutely no good reason whatsoever.
After watching The Lucky One a preview popped up on YouTube for another Zac Efron movie, this time a comedy that looked really funny. It also looked like something that would be judged to be really stupid in addition to starring Zac Efron. I was mortified that I wanted to watch it and felt the need to defend myself to my husband before watching it on my computer when he would have had no idea I was even watching it in the first place. And you know what? It was hilarious! I loved it, and the embarrassing actor was really hot in it.
When I realized how much of a fuss I was making over it and how embarrassed I was I got really angry. So what if the movie was pretty mindless? I liked it, and there was no harm in watching it. Who cares if I think an actor is hot? Everyone has celebrity crushes.
My first celebrity crush was Elijah Wood in the late 90s. I've had celebrity crushes on a large variety of actors, and my dorm room in my sophomore year of college was pretty much a shrine to Vin Diesel. (Fun fact about that: my husband is bald and muscular with a deep, sexy voice.) It seems so stupid to be embarrassed about thinking a celebrity is attractive. As a happily married woman, having a crush on a celebrity is better than a neighbor or coworker, and the idea that I'll never find anyone but my husband attractive is completely unrealistic.
In response to all of this, I watched the comedy again as well as The Lucky One, purchased four Nicholas Sparks books at Goodwill, and will be purchasing The Lucky One with Christmas money. I've requested several romantic comedies I've been wanting to see at the library (as they crossed two of the generalizations I've only seen a handful of them even though I would have loved to see more) and am planning to read one of the Nicholas Sparks books when I finish one of the books I'm currently reading.
All this has also translated into my music choices as well. I'm more willing to admit I like Marilyn Manson than the fact that I have a Justin Timberlake album that I love even though the former would get me judged more than the latter. Because I was a teen in the late 90s in the height of boy band popularity, liking a Justin Timberlake album brings more embarrassment than it would otherwise.
This whole thing really pisses me off and gives me a strong urge to punch my father, but he wasn't the only one who built this cage.
My New Year's resolution for 2017 is to give myself better self-care, and I think that choosing what to watch, read, and listen to because I want to watch, read, and listen to those things without outside opinions falls under that category.
Punishing myself for liking something that does no harm is in itself harmful. So, I will like what I like even if I don't tell anyone I do. If I want to watch a movie because the actor is hot, I'll watch it. If I want to watch the romantic comedy because it looks like fun, I will. If I like a Justin Timberlake song, I like it.
It's no one's business but mine.
I cannot ever remember not judging my choices against what other people would think. I do make my own choices and decisions, but my own opinion often isn't the largest consideration. Some of the ingrained generalizations of types of books and movies now seem very ridiculous and I'm not sure where they came from, though I would imagine many of them came from my father.
One such generalization is that romantic books and movies are for women who lead loveless, lonely lives. That's a bunch of bull. A lot of people love stories about falling in love and romantic relationships. Most movies and books have some sort of romantic element to them, no matter how minor, and to say that liking that element of a story is only for people who lead loveless, lonely lives is outrageously ridiculous.
Another generalization is that comedies are often very stupid in nature and for something I like to be judged to be stupid tends to translate in my head to be a question of my intelligence. That whole logic circle is idiotic. A comedy that may have no value other than to make someone laugh does have value. There is a reason for the saying "laughter is the best medicine" and people who can make us laugh make a whole lot of money doing it. For whatever reason, the only comedies I have been comfortable enjoying are animated. When I think about it, the whole thing makes absolutely no sense.
Thinking a celebrity was attractive often got me painful teasing and ridicule from my father, and thus finding a celebrity attractive and enjoying a movie or show simply because the star was really hot is very embarrassing for me. The more attractive I find the person, the more embarrassed I get and may eventually avoid movies or TV shows because that person is in them, especially since I got married.
This all came crashing down a week or so ago, and I can't help but be angry that I sat in this cage for so long. It was built up around me, but I always had the key to unlock it. Instead of unlocking the door and leaving, I made the lock and bars bigger and stronger even though it was the same key. I stayed willingly and berated myself for liking the things I like. None of it is bad or unhealthy, and to deny myself things I'd like because of what someone else thinks is incredibly stupid.
I was always encouraged more toward action, adventure, fantasy, sci-fi, mystery, and non-fiction books and movies by my father, who was the one who berated me for liking things that he didn't like. Anything sentimental or romantic at it's core was condemned and I would be ridiculed for liking it. Well, I like romantic books and movies in addition to the action, adventure, and fantasy.
I used to love Nicholas Sparks and stopped reading his work when I joined the church because the books sometimes have love scenes that often occur outside marriage. When I decided not to go to church anymore I read a few of his books for the first time in years. I read True Believer and The Lucky One, both of which I'll review soon. The latter book was made into a movie that I was embarrassed to watch because it has Zac Efron in it, then I was even more embarrassed when I watched it and discovered that he's turned into quite the hottie. I really enjoyed the movie, and the whole thing turned very embarrassing for absolutely no good reason whatsoever.
After watching The Lucky One a preview popped up on YouTube for another Zac Efron movie, this time a comedy that looked really funny. It also looked like something that would be judged to be really stupid in addition to starring Zac Efron. I was mortified that I wanted to watch it and felt the need to defend myself to my husband before watching it on my computer when he would have had no idea I was even watching it in the first place. And you know what? It was hilarious! I loved it, and the embarrassing actor was really hot in it.
When I realized how much of a fuss I was making over it and how embarrassed I was I got really angry. So what if the movie was pretty mindless? I liked it, and there was no harm in watching it. Who cares if I think an actor is hot? Everyone has celebrity crushes.
My first celebrity crush was Elijah Wood in the late 90s. I've had celebrity crushes on a large variety of actors, and my dorm room in my sophomore year of college was pretty much a shrine to Vin Diesel. (Fun fact about that: my husband is bald and muscular with a deep, sexy voice.) It seems so stupid to be embarrassed about thinking a celebrity is attractive. As a happily married woman, having a crush on a celebrity is better than a neighbor or coworker, and the idea that I'll never find anyone but my husband attractive is completely unrealistic.
In response to all of this, I watched the comedy again as well as The Lucky One, purchased four Nicholas Sparks books at Goodwill, and will be purchasing The Lucky One with Christmas money. I've requested several romantic comedies I've been wanting to see at the library (as they crossed two of the generalizations I've only seen a handful of them even though I would have loved to see more) and am planning to read one of the Nicholas Sparks books when I finish one of the books I'm currently reading.
All this has also translated into my music choices as well. I'm more willing to admit I like Marilyn Manson than the fact that I have a Justin Timberlake album that I love even though the former would get me judged more than the latter. Because I was a teen in the late 90s in the height of boy band popularity, liking a Justin Timberlake album brings more embarrassment than it would otherwise.
This whole thing really pisses me off and gives me a strong urge to punch my father, but he wasn't the only one who built this cage.
My New Year's resolution for 2017 is to give myself better self-care, and I think that choosing what to watch, read, and listen to because I want to watch, read, and listen to those things without outside opinions falls under that category.
Punishing myself for liking something that does no harm is in itself harmful. So, I will like what I like even if I don't tell anyone I do. If I want to watch a movie because the actor is hot, I'll watch it. If I want to watch the romantic comedy because it looks like fun, I will. If I like a Justin Timberlake song, I like it.
It's no one's business but mine.
Comments
Post a Comment