Roller Coaster

The last six months have been some of the hardest I've had in the last few years.

At the end of July, I checked myself into the psych hospital. I was there for nine days for suicidal ideations. I'd made a solid plan to get my affairs in order over the next few months and then not turn forty in November. I decided I didn't want to let go of my husband, and I didn't want to cause him pain, so I went to the hospital instead.

My time there was fruitful. I got a medication adjustment and changed one of my medications, and I've been feeling increasingly better, though it's taken until very recently for me to pull out of the depression totally.

As I struggled with the depression following my hospital visit, I had to take a break from virtually everything. Blogging but also critiquing and even writing to a point. My creativity was in the toilet for most of this year, but it's starting to come back. I'm making progress on my latest manuscript.

In October, things started looking up for us financially when my husband changed jobs within the same company and got a good pay raise. Then we hit a disaster.

Bedbugs.

If you've never had bedbugs, you don't know the horror, anxiety, itching, and disgust of having them infesting your house—specifically your beds and couches. They crawl on you while you're sleeping and feed on your blood. Just the thought of sleeping where they are gives me the creepy crawlies.

In our city, we're required to report them to our landlord immediately, so I reported them as soon as we figured out what they were. Our landlord then tried to automatically stick us with the bill without following proper procedure as laid out by the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) which states that in multifamily apartment buildings, surrounding apartments should be inspected first. If the infestation was not introduced by me, I'm not responsible for paying for the pest control.

Well, once I put the screws to him, he finally had the surrounding apartments inspected. No bugs, so our apartment was the only one infested, therefore it's our doing, which I understand though I have no idea where we picked them up. So, now we're responsible for a bill higher than our rent that the landlord is paying up front and letting us pay him back. I'm happy to do so, I just wish he was giving us more time to pay it back.

Between the pest control bill and automatic withdrawals to pay off another debt, it's eaten up all of my husband's raise, plus a little more. As we work to pay this bill, we're stuck going to food banks to make ends meet. At least we're eating, though my husband is upset by the fact that we even need to do this. I understand that; he wants to provide for us and feels like he can't.

I've applied for Social Security Disability for some more income for us. It takes a good eighteen months to find out whether it's approved after a series of denials and appeals. I'll be shocked if I get it without needing to go to a hearing with a judge. It would be nice if it happened sooner, though.

I'm hoping now that I'm feeling better to get back to some of the things I used to enjoy, like blogging. I've read a bunch of books over the last few months, so I have plenty to review. I look forward to getting back to it!

Photo Credit: Elizabeth Lies