The Stress of Sunshine
When the sun just begins to rise, the sky turns a deep and rich shade of royal blue, and the color is even prettier when it's cloudy. As the sky lightens, it turns grey, and then shades of pink, purple, and yellow. As the sun nears the horizon, the sky turns blue again, lighter instead of the deep and rich blue from before. It is almost like a thin layer of blue instead of the thick layer at the beginning of the sunrise. As the sun peeks over the horizon on a sunny morning, my mood lightens with it, producing a better, more positive outlook on the day ahead.
However, it only bears these feelings when I see it soon after rising for the day after a good night's sleep. If I'm still up from the day before, the rising sun is stressful and frustrating. It makes sunlight depressing, and the nights dull.
As this frustration continues day after day, I ponder what I love in terms of a sleep-wake cycle. As it is now, I go to bed between 6 a.m. and 8 a.m. and wake between 3 p.m. and 4 p.m. and I hate it. The sun sets by 5 p.m. at this time of year, and I miss nearly all the daylight hours. I get a little before I go to bed, and a little after I get up. The rest is darkness.
What I like is nearly the opposite of what it is now: I like to get up at 6 a.m. and go to bed at 9 p.m. It takes advantage of all of the daylight, except in the summertime. My husband gets up a little later and stays up later, and I get some time to myself before I begin my day. I love watching the sun rise during the Winter months, waking as the sun does: a little at a time. When the sun is up, I am fully awake and ready to begin my day.
I love to get things done early in the day, finishing chores and shopping before lunch. I love having the whole afternoon and evening to myself to do what I wish, be it hobbies, reading, movies, cooking, or baking. I love to have morning classes and finish by early afternoon, then have the whole rest of the day to study. I feel as though I have more time when I get up early, even if I get the same amount of sleep.
It is miserable to hate the days as I experience them, and unsurprisingly I slipped into a deep depression: I rarely bathed, only did laundry because my husband needed clean clothes, did not cook, did not clean, and only did the necessities of homework.
I have to stay up all night to be able to go to any appointments in the morning. Going to bed at 8 a.m. and needing to be coherent at an appointment at 11 a.m. does not work well. Purposely depriving myself of sleep to function during the day seems to be counterproductive, but it's the only way I can be somewhere before 2 or 3 p.m.
It has gotten to the point where I do not ever feel rested. Whether I've been up for 40 hours or slept for 15 I do not feel any more or less tired. It is a constant state of exhaustion and dysfunction with periodic short-term memory loss.
I truly hate this insomnia.
Photo Credit: "Woman's Feet Sticking Out Of Blanker On Bed At Home" by FrameAngel
However, it only bears these feelings when I see it soon after rising for the day after a good night's sleep. If I'm still up from the day before, the rising sun is stressful and frustrating. It makes sunlight depressing, and the nights dull.
As this frustration continues day after day, I ponder what I love in terms of a sleep-wake cycle. As it is now, I go to bed between 6 a.m. and 8 a.m. and wake between 3 p.m. and 4 p.m. and I hate it. The sun sets by 5 p.m. at this time of year, and I miss nearly all the daylight hours. I get a little before I go to bed, and a little after I get up. The rest is darkness.
What I like is nearly the opposite of what it is now: I like to get up at 6 a.m. and go to bed at 9 p.m. It takes advantage of all of the daylight, except in the summertime. My husband gets up a little later and stays up later, and I get some time to myself before I begin my day. I love watching the sun rise during the Winter months, waking as the sun does: a little at a time. When the sun is up, I am fully awake and ready to begin my day.
I love to get things done early in the day, finishing chores and shopping before lunch. I love having the whole afternoon and evening to myself to do what I wish, be it hobbies, reading, movies, cooking, or baking. I love to have morning classes and finish by early afternoon, then have the whole rest of the day to study. I feel as though I have more time when I get up early, even if I get the same amount of sleep.
It is miserable to hate the days as I experience them, and unsurprisingly I slipped into a deep depression: I rarely bathed, only did laundry because my husband needed clean clothes, did not cook, did not clean, and only did the necessities of homework.
I have to stay up all night to be able to go to any appointments in the morning. Going to bed at 8 a.m. and needing to be coherent at an appointment at 11 a.m. does not work well. Purposely depriving myself of sleep to function during the day seems to be counterproductive, but it's the only way I can be somewhere before 2 or 3 p.m.
It has gotten to the point where I do not ever feel rested. Whether I've been up for 40 hours or slept for 15 I do not feel any more or less tired. It is a constant state of exhaustion and dysfunction with periodic short-term memory loss.
I truly hate this insomnia.
Photo Credit: "Woman's Feet Sticking Out Of Blanker On Bed At Home" by FrameAngel
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