Distress

 For the last couple of months, I've been trying new medications to help my bipolar disorder. It has been going very badly.

My sleep has been worse than it has in a long time, my mood swings are increasing instead of decreasing like they should be, and I've had very negative reactions to a couple of the medications.

A new symptom has popped up: I have been hallucinating. When I had a breakdown in 2013 because of my PTSD, I hallucinated due to the PTSD, but these hallucinations are different.

I'm hearing distant music, like it's so far I can't hear the words or tune, but I can hear that it's music. There's also a buzzing, like a big bumblebee is right by my ear for a split second. Flashing lights out of the corner of my eye, shadows shifting outside my direct line of sight.

Let me tell you, hallucinating is incredibly stressful, even though I know these things are hallucinations. My anxiety has skyrocketed.

The only thing I can do is distract myself and keep busy so I'm not paying attention to them. So, I've been crafting, writing, and reading like crazy!

Hopefully, my nurse practitioner that prescribes my medication can help me stop this. I don't see her for another week though. Maybe it'll calm down between now and then. Cross my fingers!

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