The Drumming In My Head

There is a song by Florence + the Machine that I find describes what I go through with my mental illness. It's called "The Drumming Song" off her album Lungs.

A snippet of the lyrics:

          As I move my feet toward your body
          I can feel this beat it fills my head up
          And gets louder and louder
          It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

          I run to the river and dive straight in
          I pray that the water will drown out the din
          But as the water fills my mouth
          It couldn't wash the echoes out
          But as the water fills my mouth
          It couldn't wash the echoes out

          I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole
          'Till there's nothing left inside my soul
          I'm as empty as that beating drum
          But the sound has just begun

          As I move my feet toward your body
          I can feel this beat it fills my head up
          And gets louder and louder
          It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

Here's the full song.

You could think of the person she talks about as a trigger or episode of any kind. Some kinds of episodes can be intoxicating, such as the mania side of bipolar disorder. Many people love the mania and will ride the high as long as it carries them. "Sweeter than heaven and hotter than hell" could well describe a manic episode. But these episodes, whatever they may be, are hard to deal with.

Everyone who suffers from mental illness has some sort of coping mechanism for these situations. The water in this song is her coping mechanism. We have to find some way to deal with the pain, and there are many ways people cope. Many of them are negative, and we must find another way to deal. The one that really comes to mind with this song is self-injury.

Self-injury is not a form of suicide as many people believe, but rather a way to stay alive. Self-harm may be in many forms. I've met people that have harmed themselves in many different ways. I was a cutter for a long time, but haven't cut myself in over seven years.

Self-injury is an addiction, and ,like any addiction, it gets worse over time. It is also a symptom of abuse. Someone who self-injures is likely a current or past victim of abuse. I was sexually abused as a teenager, and have the physical scars to represent my emotional ones.

Someone who self-injures needs help before an injury becomes life-threatening.

There will be a post to come detailing self-injury: its dangers, consequences, and how to help someone who self-injures.