I Screwed Up. Again.

Revelations about mistakes in my writing process seem to be the norm and happen with regularity.

And it happened again.

I was watching a lot of videos kind of for guilty pleasure because it was like watching a train wreck, and then I realized how much what I was seeing matched the first book in my series. It highlighted issues that should be present in the lives and thoughts of my characters, but aren't.

Because I didn't do my damn research. I hate research and skirt it as much as possible.

So I screwed up. Again.

Now I've realized I have a ton of subjects I need to research for my first book. Then I realized that some of those issues applied to my second book, and I investigated further to discover there was a ton of research to be done there, too.

I am so frustrated with myself for cutting corners and now having two books that don't include details that should be there if they are to be accurate.

So, I'm rewatching the train-wreck videos examining YouTubers and TV shows. I've got a huge playlist for my first book with videos about the Duggar family, IBLP and Bill Gothard, Girl Defined, Paul and Morgan, the Transformed Wife, the documentary Shiny Happy People (which I can't watch because I don't have access to that platform), domestic abuse, religious abuse, religious trauma, cults, deconstruction, purity culture, and tons of other stuff. Hours and hours of videos, only some of which I've watched.

Then I have a playlist put together for my second book with videos about personal accounts of people who've left the LDS church, people criticizing the LDS church, stalking, manipulation, and backward practices of the LDS church. Again, hours and hours of videos.

This is going to take forever.

I'm starting to wonder if I will need to write another draft of my first book because I think the changes I will need to make are going to be significant. This is incredibly frustrating because I had hoped to publish this winter. There's no way that's going to happen. If I need to totally rewrite, we're looking at probably at least another year, likely two.

This is so frustrating. I've been working on this book for six years and six drafts. This book taught me how to write, and I guess this is one more lesson—the importance of research.

So, I am knitting while I watch videos and listen to podcast episodes, and I pause to take notes when needed. What I've pulled together has been helpful so far, and I'm very glad I've started this journey. I realize it will make my books so much better, probably more than I realize, and the many, many hours this will take will be worth it in the end.

Meanwhile, I will relax with the sound of a babbling brook and rain thanks to The Silent Watcher.

Photo Credit: Johnathan Simcoe